How could righty go so wrong?

I'm embarrassed to admit that I was a mess for the last couple of hours because my righty went so wrong.

My follie did not grow at all, it's still at 15mm - so it's crap and now I'm starting clomid - tonite. I was so not prepared to hear this news. Everything had been going so well and then this. I know that I O later than normal, cd 17 usually and that I have slightly elevated androgens but I didn't think that my follie was crap but that is what it is.

I'm starting clomid tonite, for 5 nights and I go back on Wednesday for another u/s. Since I was so surprised I didn't ask any questions, I don't know what to expect or s/e or anything.

I spent the whole express bus ride home crying (the other riders must have thought I was crazy). When I got home I started sobbing.

I know I sound like an annoying, whiny bitch but I just wanted this to work so bad. After 3 years I just wanted something to work right, you know.

Now that I have calmed down I can laugh at how crazy I was behaving. D was a great comfort when he got home.

I think it was especially awful to hear because my cousin and his wife welcomed their second child into the world today. I am so happy for them but it just reminds me that we still don't have child #1. My cousin got married a month before D and I did and his parents constantly compare us and my parents have to sit through grand kid stories. I know this hurts my parents, especially my dad, who has taken to telling stories about my dog to compete with the grand kids stories.

I really wanted a Thanksgiving BFP for D and I and I wanted to tell my parents at Christmas. Well, so much for plans. Maybe we'll get a BFP as a birthday present :) (we're both born in early Dec.)

Despite the crap day I am thankful for everything in my life, especially D, he is the best man I have ever known. No matter what I have to go through it will never compare to everything he went through for our family.