Another small step

I called my clinic's IUI nurse and learned all about scheduling, who to call when, forms to fill out to alert them my gizz (aka ds) is on the way, etc.

I will be doing natural cycles (at least 3 before we change the game plan) and will be using opk's 2x a day til I surge.

I still don't know when we'll be doing our first IUI.

Step 1

Today is my phone consult with the counselor from the cyro.bank. They are supposed to call me at some point between 9am - 5pm, so I'm sitting by the phone all day :(

We're also going to clean out our closets, switching from winter to summer and donating the unwanted or unused stuff.

D repeated his b/w last week testing hormones since his mTESE and stopping the clomid. Everything is ok except his testosterone is low. He has to repeat in 6 months. He also has a testicular u/s in a couple of weeks to make sure all is good.

Will update after phone call.

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Welcome ICLW'ers! There is a run-down of our TTC history to your right.
Thanks for stopping by.

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Well, the call is done. Counselor called at 5 to tell me he would call back between 6 and 6:30, so I had to wait a little longer.

The call went better than I expected. We talked about our journey so far, why we were using DS, how many children we wanted (and I didn't cry).

I have to call back next week and let them know how many vials we would like and fill out a bunch of paperwork. Apparently, we've chosen a popular donor and he stock is limited (he's a dr. and according to counselor a great guy). I first have to call IUI nurse to figure out how many vials we will need for IUI's and future siblings.

DH and I had a really good conversation this afternoon and while we are both scared we know we want to be parents and have a family. He is scared of so many things and doesn't want to regret this choice. I'm so glad he talking and being open.

For now we've chosen our donor. We can move forward whenever we are ready. We will be going to counseling at our clinic prior to IUI's.

Thanks for the support and good wishes.

Updates

Slowly moving forward.

We've been talking, crying, debating, crying and finally know we will be using DS. This decision was not an easy choice for either of us but we think it is the best choice for us and our future family.

Both D and I went through a crazy range of emotions about this and I felt things I never thought I would. We've known about azoo dx since 11/07, we knew DS might be a future option and yet I never thought about how I would feel carrying a baby that was not biologically related to my husband.

We've found DS that we like and is actually the same ethnicity as D, this is very important to me . Let me tell you finding DS that is not Caucasian is very hard. I've reached out to the cyro.bank that has the DS and have gotten a long profile of the donor and also a childhood pic. I'm waiting for a call from one of their counselors to talk about why we are using DS, etc.

I also reached out to my RE and told her about our next steps. She was very supportive and told me to call her with any questions, concerns, etc. She gave me the contact info for the IUI nurse to arrange the DS shipment and we will be doing natural IUI's since I have regular cycles. She also gave me the contact info for the counselor at Corn.ell and we need to meet with her as well to get cleared to do DS.

We also have to option to do the IUI's at the cyro.bank that has the DS, it is also in NYC so we may use that option as well if we need to.

I still have my moments of intense sadness but it is getting better.

Thank You

It's been rough lately but I am feeling better. Thanks for the support, prayers and positive vibes. I really appreciate it.


Well, it's Mother's Day - I hope it is a happy one for those of your blessed with children.


I actually have a present to open today thanks to Tarah's idea that we have a Secret Angel Exchange. A bunch of girls on my message board signed up on Elfster to be some one's secret angel and we all chose Angels we would like to receive from Wil.low T.ree. Here's my secret angel gift and card from LisanCraig. I didn't want a figurine, so I chose a candle holder. I LOVE it and the card is so cute. Thanks Lisa and very big Thanks to Tarah for putting this together.


The candle holder is for prayer and reads Strength, beauty and peace each day.
I can't wait to use.

For the rest of the day I will be making my mom a special dinner and spending the day up at my parents house. I hope your day is a good one. (((HUGS))) to my IF girls.

Will I ever be happy again?

I've been sobbing every night for the last few days and I am just so sad.
I don't want to cry anymore, or be angry or ask why me, why us, why?
Why does this have to be so hard?

I just want to fast forward, move on, feel something new.

I just believed so hard we would get a miracle and we didn't. I see it happen for many people, why not us? (again with the whys?)

I just want get past the sad and feel happy again. I mean I have my moments of happiness, hours when I don't think about any of this. And then it hits.

Today is cycle day 38. For some it might mean a BFP around the corner, for me it means my period has decided to fuck with my head. What a dumb bitch.

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My mom's lumps came back benign, so that's great news.

Thank for everyone who asked and whose been sending prayers and positive vibes.