I've been sobbing every night for the last few days and I am just so sad.
I don't want to cry anymore, or be angry or ask why me, why us, why?
Why does this have to be so hard?
I just want to fast forward, move on, feel something new.
I just believed so hard we would get a miracle and we didn't. I see it happen for many people, why not us? (again with the whys?)
I just want get past the sad and feel happy again. I mean I have my moments of happiness, hours when I don't think about any of this. And then it hits.
Today is cycle day 38. For some it might mean a BFP around the corner, for me it means my period has decided to fuck with my head. What a dumb bitch.
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My mom's lumps came back benign, so that's great news.
Thank for everyone who asked and whose been sending prayers and positive vibes.
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17 comments:
Hi there. Its Lauren from FC. I just wanted you to know that reading your posts is like a diary of how I was feeling last June. I have never felt so broken and hopeless in my life, and I couldn't see my way out on most days- definitely the worst period of my (and dh's) life. Although its NEVER easy I won't lie, it does get better, i promise. If you want to talk privately or need to vent to someone who has been there, I am always around. My email is daphne620@aol.com. Hugs, Lauren
Thinking of you...and so sorry things suck. :-( This stuff just isn't right.
I had a day like that yesterday, I am sorry for your pain.
I know what you mean - there are so many successes and miracles out there and I too wonder why not us?
I am glad to hear about your mom.
Not many people can say that know how you feel...but I can. It sucks..its awful, it's not fair, it's the worst feeling in the world. However, I will tell you this, it will get better, it does get easier-but for now its important to grieve-and it's totally ok to feel the way you do. YOU NEED TO! If you don't you won't be able to move past it.
Feel free to email me if you have any questions or want to talk...I can relate! Aszoospermia sucks!!! Hang in there and take care of yourself and your husband.
{{HUGS}}
Erin
There is nothing fair about any of the crap we infertiles have to go through. I am so so sorry it is this tough for you right now. I hope tomorrow you feel a little better. And then the day after and the day after....
I'm an so sorry. I really really hope that you start feeling something else soon and your next steps become clear.
I'm so sorry, I am asking myself the same questions. I wish I knew the magic answer but I don't. Somehow, we will all get through this, I'm just not sure how yet. *Thinking of you*
You have every right to feel the way you do. (((HUGS)))
I wish I had more to offer, but this is more of a you & D talking/healing/planning process. Sorry I haven't gotten back to you about the books yet, my new predicament has stalled me in my tracks.
The pain does get more bearable, but it nevers goes away, not entirely. I know how your feeling, it sucks, it's not fair, I know the "Why" questions and there are never any answers to them...that I think is the hardest. Sometimes I think if we could get an answer it would be more bearable. I had a good solid [almost] 2 months of crying on and off and feeling the world had ended. You are most certainly entitled to that...you're most certainly entitled to feeling that for the rest of your life. You have been robbed of one of the most basic human rights: To have a child, with someone you love.
Even having gone through this, I know there's nothing that I can say that will make it easier to deal with or lessen the pain. I'm always here for you *hugs*
I'm so sorry you are feeling down. I can empathize with wondering if you will ever be happy again. IF really really really sucks.
Glad to hear everything is ok with your mom!
Great news about your mom.
Sorry to hear that your so down. You have every right to be feeling that way. I will keep praying for happiness and good things to come your way!
Thinking of you.... I'm sorry this is so hard. It's so unfair. I wish I could help.
Im just so sorry !
I dont even know what else to say to you !! I wish I could do something - anything to make it better !. x
Sadly, I'm right there with you. We are like the sad sap club. You should have had your miracle. It isn't fair.
I'm so sorry you are grieving right now and I'm so sorry AF is screwing with you.
Glad the news about your mom is good. {{{Hugs}}}
I'm so sorry you are in such a slump, but I think everyone can understand why. You take as much time as you can!!!!
~*~*~*HUGS~*~*~*
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