All over the place

That's how I feel and what this post will feel like.

D's incision has finally closed and his infection is gone.

My dad is doing well, his follow-up was today and everything is good.

My mom had her skin cancer burned off and they are testing a couple more locations on her body. She also had 3 lumps removed on Tuesday and they are out for testing. She's in pain but ok.

We're back from our very expensive weekend to mia.mi, it was so not in our budget right now (check last post as to why we went). We limited our time with D's fam. I am constantly shocked at the insensitivity of people. At one point when we were hanging out with D's fam, my nephew said that my watch was cool. I said thank you. My SIL asked me if D got it for me, I said yes, he gave it to me for Christ.mas. She then says to everyone, it's so nice when you don't have kids and you can buy each other presents. WTF!!!!! D just looked at me and I was going to go off but he just squeezed my hand and I stayed shut. I am completely livid and I am going to say something once I am a little calmer but at the same time I'm glad I didn't go off in front of my niece and nephew. She knows everything we have gone through, do you not think before you talk?. We have spent almost $50,000 to have a child. I would gladly never receive another gift again from anyone if I could have a biological child with D. What a douche!

Anyway, D and I did have a really nice time when we were alone and enjoyed relaxing and not being in this space. It was a nice break from reality.

It just bugs me that people don't get that we are grieving, that we have experienced a huge loss. Just because there was no actual baby that was lost doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. There is so much pain in never even being able to get to that point, to know that for the last 2 1/2 years there was never any chance at all of conceiving a child. To know that our future children will not be a product of us making love and making a baby.

D will not have a biological child and he is devastated and heart-broken. I just don't get it, my poor husband, the kindest, sweetest, funniest, most wonderful man in the world has to feel all this pain. I wish I could take it all away. I wish it were me everyday.

Life can be so unfair.
I know no one said it would be fair but it just sucks donkey balls.

Oh, and welcome to the ICLW'ers, a brief rundown of our journey is on the right. Thanks for stopping by, the comments are very much appreciated.