huh?

I just don't know what to even write anymore. I had hoped that my blog would go from IF to pregnancy and instead we're just stuck.

It was a bad week for me, I have been out of it and sad. While I am grateful we had an opportunity to try I just wish it would have worked. Dr. S's stats are 70% for sperm retrievals. It sucks to fall on the other side.

I remember thinking to myself while in the waiting room that the other 3 guys who were next in line for the mTESE would be the winners that day since we already fell on the bad side of the odds.

I am in the anger stage of grief. I am angry, why us? What the hell did we do to deserve this? Why can everyone around me get knocked up by having sex? WTF! I hope it passes quickly b/c I hate feeling like this.

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Other updates -

D and I are going to Mi.ami for the weekend to baptize our niece and nephew. They informed us the day after we were told we couldn't have biological children that we were to fly down this weekend for the baptism (we've known we would be the god parents for a long time, kids are 12 and 9). When we asked for an extension we were told no and are paying a ridiculous amount of money (hi, we just spent $20,000 to not have a kid) to fly to Mi.ami and for hotel since I refuse to stay with them and their insensitive asses. Am I being a bitch? I don't think I am but again I am in the anger stage. You've waited years, would it have killed you to wait a couple of months. The fertiles just don't get it. My SIL, who I like, is from South America and has offered to get me a kid, WTF does that mean? Hi, thanks for the offer but I don't want to adopt internationally and am not really in place to talk about this so please shut the fuck up.

I'm going to try to limit the amount of time I spend with them and lounge on a beach, which always relaxes me. I also scheduled a couple's massage for D and I, since we're broke why not ;)

My Dad is doing well. His procedure was successful and he's home relaxing and acting a little more like himself. We did get into an argument on Easter when I refused to talk to my family in Italy b/c I couldn't deal with the "when are you having kids" questions. (see Christmas 2008 for the calls to Italy cryfest)

My mom had her first treatment also. They still need to test a few more areas and her lumps, which maybe be removed first and tested later.

OK, sorry for the boring update. I don't have the energy to be humorous or sarcastic.

I have to say Thank God for my furbaby, he always finds a way to put a smile on our faces.