Welcome ICLW'ers

Welcome All!

Our infertility is to your right. I am currently on BCP for IVF 1.5 with DS. Why 1.5? Well, we have a failed IVF last March when mTESE failed to find any sperm. I had done all the meds and triggered but no ER or ET, so I'm calling our current IVF 1.5

I am scared, emotional and excited to move forward. We've been at this so long we are hoping and praying for a sticky BFP.

Here's are some of my favorite things using pics

Next step and an award :)

So, after much talking with D, my nurse and RE we are moving forward with IVF. I honestly am glad we've made decision because being in limbo was hell but I can't believe I am here again.

I thought we would do a couple of IUI's get knocked up and be done with it. The thought of IVF again was so far removed from my head that when RE brought it up as a next step I was in shock. So, why are we doing IVF? Let me tell you

With IVF our odds of success are more than doubled and RE thinks we'll have frosties for future siblings. With IUI w/injectibles RE wouldn't move forward with more than 5 follies and thinks I would honestly have between 6-8, so cycle would get cancelled. My RE cycles for IVF in batches and if I didn't get into this round and IUI was another BFN, I wouldn't be able to cycle again until June because of work commitments. So, with better odds and a more flexible schedule now, to IVF we go.

I haven't gotten my protocol yet but it will be similar to last years - bcp, lupron and gonal F. Oh, and I start BCP on Friday.

Please pray this finally works for us.

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The instructions that go along with this award are as follows:* Thank the person who nominated you for this award.* Copy the award and place it in your blog.* Link the person who nominated you for this award.* Tell us 7 interesting things about you.* Nominate 7 bloggers.* Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.

Thank you Kate from the Calm after the Storm for nominating me for the Beautiful Blogger award. Kate is a great girl - sweet, supportive and a fav nesty of mine :)

And now for 7 interesting things about me.
1. I have a horrible singing voice - it's torture to hear me sing. This does not stop me from singing loudly in my car or anywhere else.
2. I have a crush on a fictional character, Eric the vampire from the Sookie Stackhouse books.
3. I read 95 books last year (not super interesting I guess, since I wrote about it on my blog)
4. I treat my furbaby like a child and am scared to death of his reaction when we finally bring a baby home.
5. I've given up all beverages except for water and herbal teas. I am also giving up potatoes for lent.
6. cycling again in March scares the crap outta me - we had our failed mTESE and IVF last March and I hate that all this IVF talk brings me back to the worst month of my life.
7. I love to gamble (most of you know this about me) and can sit at a penny slot for hours.

and finally:
* Nominate 7 (I'm giving you 5) bloggers that you love and link to their blog.
The Johnson's Have Angel Wings
Think (+) Positive
Baby Makin' in a Perti Dish
meinsideout
The Road Less Traveled

100th Post

Well, I hit 100 posts and unfortunately I am not pregnant.

3rd dIUI = epic FAIL!

So now we need to decide what's next. RE doesn't want me to do anymore clomid b/c he thinks it's messing with my lining. We're going to discuss at my cd3 b/w u/s.

So 2 options

IUI w/injectibles
RE thinks I will get at least 6 follies and I don't feel comfortable triggering with 6 follies (but at this point, I've triggered with 4 and that didn't work). I'm going to talk to him more about it and about his stats and HOM when I see him.

or

IVF (wtf!)
In all honesty I don't want to go through it again. The reasons RE said it as option is he knows I'm scared of HOM, it will give us more control over how many we want to transfer and with IUI's so far something is not working. Also, he thinks we'll have frosties and can use them in future for siblings.

I just feel so broken. I'm scared to death this is never going to work. I'm 34 have great b/w, fsh, my hsg was all clear, why isn't anything working? IVF again! Are you kidding me? I thought after an IUI or two I would be pregnant.
I hate this shit sooo much.

I hate crying every month and seeing D so sad. Sometimes, the evil thoughts get in my head and I worry that maybe it's just not meant to be. I hate when I let myself entertain that kind of thinking. I just don't get the unfairness of it. What the fuck did D and I do?

Ok, enough with the pity party.

I need to get over this crap and figure out some next steps. Any advice?