it's been a while, sorry.

after the BFFN we 'celebrated' our 4 year anniversary TTC.

i have not been in a good place. i'm sad, angry and hopeless. the hopelessness is really what hurts, i feel like a piece of me is gone. i've always been a very optimistic person and now i just feel lost and with out direction and with out hope.

i want to cycle again and we will be starting soon but i'm terrified of another BFN or m/c.

i just wish this were easier.

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i had my WTF w/ RE in early September and he was so upset our FET didn't work. after talking to RE and D we've decided to do another fresh cycle later this fall.

i also had endometrial biopsy to rule out any potential implantation issues and we'll have results soon.

i've also had some meds fiascoes with deliveries and that of course has stressed me out. i'm still waiting on a delivery that was supposed to arrive this past Saturday. Thank God there weren't any perishable meds in the package and that i have a while before i need them.

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we also went on our cruise and it was good. i was sad for most of it though. maybe taking a vacation right after a BFFN is not a good idea.

i'll post some pics soon.

thanks for all the support, we really appreciate it.

just waiting for the hope to show up. (maybe it's in my meds package)