9/10/2001 - 9/11/2001 (warning - sad and scattered)

First of all I want to remember all those whose lives were terribly cut short on 9/11/2001.
Rest in Peace.

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For me 9/10/2001 is a day that I will never forget. I was staying in DH's apt. that night (on the lo.wer ea.st side) and helping his niece with her resume for a job.

At around 8:30pm my mom calls me and tells me my 31 year old cousin committed suicide (it will be described later so feel free to stop reading). To say that I was in shock is an understatement. I think I started crying and screaming and I think I freaked out D's niece.

My poor Zia found him in their apartment with a gun and he had shot himself in the head. There was blood and brain stuff? everywhere. I love my Zia so much and am very close to her, she's like my second mom. I am also very close to her 2 daughters but I never was close with her son, my cousin M. I always wonder if there was something I didn't see or if there was something I could have done.

I don't know how my Zia was able to function the following days and through the wake and funeral. How does one go on after seeing her child's brains all over the floor?

There was no note, we don't know why he did it, I just wish everyday he hadn't. I wish that there were some signs. I wish I had been a better cousin. I also wish it hadn't been my Aunt that had found him.

On 9/11/01, I woke up in D.'s apt. rushed to get dressed and head back up to my place in the bx. I left about 1 hour before the first plane hit. D saw it happen from his window.

After rushing home and showering I drove straight to my Zia's to see her and had no idea what else was going on. When I got there they were watching the news and I learned about the attacks. While we mourned M, we also mourned all those that passed away in the attacks.

My roommate and BFF's future SIL died in tower #2, leaving behind 2 small boys. At first they searched all hospitals hoping she had made it out. My BFF and her boyfriend scoured the city looking for her, putting up posters and praying for her return. Eventually they found her hand in the debris.

For the weeks that followed we called our apt. the home of gloom because we were both feeling so much sadness. Every year when 9/10 comes around I feel an overwhelming sense of loss and sadness. This year is no different.
This year it's especially hard since as of today we have officially hit the 2 year TTTC mark.
IF sucks.

RIP M, vi vogliamo bene.