Update

Slowly moving forward.

I met with a Hematologist this past Monday 1/31.

No answers just more questions.

It was a very long appt and very thorough (they asked a million questions.

Anyway, she doesn't think loses are caused by clotting disorder, they tend to happen a couple weeks later then my m/c's but based on my losses and medical history (and family history) she is very concerned by all my bleeding. (in my head I keep repeating the scene from Some.thing about Ma.ry, when Ben Still.er's character gets his "franks and beans" caught in his zipper and the paramedics say, "we've got a bleeder!)

She wants to figure it out, it's a bunch of little things that could lead to a bigger thing or maybe nothing (whatever that means). The Dr. and resident both asked if I had any Jewish ancestry and I don't to my knowledge.

I had 9 more vials of blood drawn and they are doing more intensive b/w. I go back in 2 weeks to go over results.

I also had nk cells, fasting insulin and 2 hour glucose drawn this past Saturday 1/29. And, karyotyping b/w drawn on Monday 1/24. My arms are tired from giving blood and they have some lovely bruising.

So, all this could lead to nothing but at least I'm trying covering all my bases.


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I never posted after our last first u/s and miscarriage. I was not in a good place since it turned around so quickly but I want to have a record of everything so I'm posting now.

Many of you "know" me from an infertility message board I post on and some of this is repeats from posts during my last pregnancy.

This year when D and I celebrated our 35th birthdays, I was pregnant, we were so happy. I spent my 35th birthday getting 2nd intralipid infusion. After my infusion, my friend, KOYN, met up with me and bought me lunch, a crumbs cupcake and even brought candles and matches to sing to me. It was a great afternoon :)

D and I went shopping and ate dinner and then watched our favorite winter show the Sing Off ;) I felt so blessed to be 35 days pregnant on my 35th birthday.

Friday, December 10th, was our twins due date. It was a rough day, I cried and missed my little ones but also felt hopeful because we were expecting again.

On Saturday and Sunday, December 11 and 12th, I has some pinkish/reddish CM on the toilet paper and some red flecks in the bowl. I called my nurse and she said it was normal and to rest and try to keep feet up. It lasted all weekend on and off.

On Monday, December 13th D and I went to RE's for our first u/s. Our appt was the last one of the day and my 2 fav nurses wanted to both be in room so RE didn't start u/s until around 5:15.

So, I have vaj cam inside and D can see screen and I can't and RE is moving stuff around and says here's the sac. He then turns screen around and we're all looking at the little worm on the screen and then a few seconds later, the HB starts flickering. RE was like, wow, the HB just started :) We continued to stare in disbelief and were in shock. It seemed to pick up speed the longer we looked at it :)

We are so happy. We were not expecting to see any HB at 6weeks.

RE said the spotting is normal and as long as it doesn't worsen or turn red it's fine. He also said that the dildo cam didn't have any blood on it. I'm to call if it gets worse. RE said seeing HB so early is a positive sign and not to stress about the spotting.

He told me to go back in 2 weeks and if all goes well, I would be released to OB.

When we were done, D shook RE's hand and all teary-eyed thanked him for all he'd done for us. I felt so happy and so much love my wormy and my baby wormy :)

We were so happy, we had about 5 hours of complete and total joy and then our world came crashing down. I started bleeding a lot, clots, filling pads, etc. I emailed RE that night and he responding immediately and said to go in first thing.

At the u/s the next morning the baby was gone. We were all in shock and my RE had no clue what to say or do. He kept saying it turned around so quickly and that I bleed so much and so quickly.

D and I left in shock and I pretty much lost it in the car on the ride home.

As you can imagine we were just heart-broken. I still don't get it. It was just cruel to show us the heartbeat and then 5 hours later take it away.

I will never understand why it has to be so hard for some of us and so easy for others.