Welcome ICLW'ers

Welcome All!

Our infertility is to your right. I am currently on BCP for IVF 1.5 with DS. Why 1.5? Well, we have a failed IVF last March when mTESE failed to find any sperm. I had done all the meds and triggered but no ER or ET, so I'm calling our current IVF 1.5

I am scared, emotional and excited to move forward. We've been at this so long we are hoping and praying for a sticky BFP.

Here's are some of my favorite things using pics

Next step and an award :)

So, after much talking with D, my nurse and RE we are moving forward with IVF. I honestly am glad we've made decision because being in limbo was hell but I can't believe I am here again.

I thought we would do a couple of IUI's get knocked up and be done with it. The thought of IVF again was so far removed from my head that when RE brought it up as a next step I was in shock. So, why are we doing IVF? Let me tell you

With IVF our odds of success are more than doubled and RE thinks we'll have frosties for future siblings. With IUI w/injectibles RE wouldn't move forward with more than 5 follies and thinks I would honestly have between 6-8, so cycle would get cancelled. My RE cycles for IVF in batches and if I didn't get into this round and IUI was another BFN, I wouldn't be able to cycle again until June because of work commitments. So, with better odds and a more flexible schedule now, to IVF we go.

I haven't gotten my protocol yet but it will be similar to last years - bcp, lupron and gonal F. Oh, and I start BCP on Friday.

Please pray this finally works for us.

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The instructions that go along with this award are as follows:* Thank the person who nominated you for this award.* Copy the award and place it in your blog.* Link the person who nominated you for this award.* Tell us 7 interesting things about you.* Nominate 7 bloggers.* Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.

Thank you Kate from the Calm after the Storm for nominating me for the Beautiful Blogger award. Kate is a great girl - sweet, supportive and a fav nesty of mine :)

And now for 7 interesting things about me.
1. I have a horrible singing voice - it's torture to hear me sing. This does not stop me from singing loudly in my car or anywhere else.
2. I have a crush on a fictional character, Eric the vampire from the Sookie Stackhouse books.
3. I read 95 books last year (not super interesting I guess, since I wrote about it on my blog)
4. I treat my furbaby like a child and am scared to death of his reaction when we finally bring a baby home.
5. I've given up all beverages except for water and herbal teas. I am also giving up potatoes for lent.
6. cycling again in March scares the crap outta me - we had our failed mTESE and IVF last March and I hate that all this IVF talk brings me back to the worst month of my life.
7. I love to gamble (most of you know this about me) and can sit at a penny slot for hours.

and finally:
* Nominate 7 (I'm giving you 5) bloggers that you love and link to their blog.
The Johnson's Have Angel Wings
Think (+) Positive
Baby Makin' in a Perti Dish
meinsideout
The Road Less Traveled

100th Post

Well, I hit 100 posts and unfortunately I am not pregnant.

3rd dIUI = epic FAIL!

So now we need to decide what's next. RE doesn't want me to do anymore clomid b/c he thinks it's messing with my lining. We're going to discuss at my cd3 b/w u/s.

So 2 options

IUI w/injectibles
RE thinks I will get at least 6 follies and I don't feel comfortable triggering with 6 follies (but at this point, I've triggered with 4 and that didn't work). I'm going to talk to him more about it and about his stats and HOM when I see him.

or

IVF (wtf!)
In all honesty I don't want to go through it again. The reasons RE said it as option is he knows I'm scared of HOM, it will give us more control over how many we want to transfer and with IUI's so far something is not working. Also, he thinks we'll have frosties and can use them in future for siblings.

I just feel so broken. I'm scared to death this is never going to work. I'm 34 have great b/w, fsh, my hsg was all clear, why isn't anything working? IVF again! Are you kidding me? I thought after an IUI or two I would be pregnant.
I hate this shit sooo much.

I hate crying every month and seeing D so sad. Sometimes, the evil thoughts get in my head and I worry that maybe it's just not meant to be. I hate when I let myself entertain that kind of thinking. I just don't get the unfairness of it. What the fuck did D and I do?

Ok, enough with the pity party.

I need to get over this crap and figure out some next steps. Any advice?

IUI#3 is done

So I got gizzed today at 12pm :)

14 million swimmers are in there and they better hit there target.

This sample was better. 14 million swimmers, 56% motile and 36% were really fast swimmers (whatever that means).

Praying this is finally it. I hope I can finally see 2 lines on a HPT.

Mr. Worms came with me and after IUI we prayed and laughed, he is just the sweetest DH ever. He was texting me all day "i love you baby mamma." He is truly the best partner on earth :)

Today was so hectic, I had all day work training, had to run out of training, drive into city, get gizzed and drive back to finish training. Glad it is over.

Come on spermies let's get me KU!

btw - this is my 99th post :) I hope my 100th post announces a BFP!

BFN

My beta was negative and so was the stick I peed on the day before beta :(

My period showed up today and I'm going for cd3 b/w u/s on Monday, which is actually cd4. I'm assuming that I will do 100 mg clomid again but maybe RE has other plans.

One change that I hope and pray will improve my odds is I've exchanged my gizz for better swimming gizz. My vials were actually better suited to IVF and while there were alot of swimmers the forward progession was not good. By switching to IUI vials the gizz is already washed and the cryobank guarantees 10 million motile swimmers :)

3rd times a charm, right ;)

BTW - crinone is gross :( I've had chunks coming out of me since last night and it is just disgusting.

Happy 2010!

Wishing all my readers much love, good health, happiness, prosperity and sticky BFP's in the coming year :)

As for me today is 14dpiui and still haven't POAS. I will test at some point either late tonite or early tomorrow morning. EEEK!!! Scared outta my mind. No real symptoms to speak of. I have had some pressure in my lower ab area. Praying for a sticky BFP.

So as for my goal of reading 50 books in 2009, I achieved it. When I upped the # to 70 book, I achieved that goal too. I got a little ambitious and decided to go for 100 books and didn't make it :( I got to 95. So for the last time here is a list of the books I read in 2009

50 Books in 2009
1. The Host by Stephenie Meyer
2 - 9. The Sookie Stackhouse Books, aka Southern Vampire Chronicles by Charlaine Harris (8 books, 9th coming in May :)
10. Many Bloody Returns edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni L. P. Kelner (
11. Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
12. Harry, A History by Melissa Anelli
13. Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates
14. Marley and Me by John Grogan
15. Dragonfly in Amber by Diana Gabaldon
16. Voyager by Diana Gabaldon
17. No Choice but Seduction by Johanna Lindsey
18. Mansfield Park by Jane Austen
19. My Big Fat Supernatural Wedding, edited by P.N. Elrod
20. Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen
21. Dirty Girls on Top, by Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez
22. Wolfsbane and Mistletoe, edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni L.P. Kelner
23. Drums of Autumn, by Diana Gabaldon (Outlander book 4)
24. Moon Called, by Patricia Briggs (Mercy Thompson series)
25. Bite, by Laurell K Hamilton, Charlaine Harris, MaryJanice Davidson, Angela Knight and Vickie Taylor
26. Powers of Detection, Stories of Mystery & Fantasy, edited by Dana Stabenow
27. Overcoming Male Infertility, Understanding Its Causes and Treatments, by Leslie Schover and Anthony Thomas, Jr.
(has a great section on the emotional aspects and how to support your spouse)
28. Unusual Suspects, Stories of Mystery & Fantasy, edited by Dana Stabenow
29. Blood Bound, by Patricia Briggs (Mercy Thompson #2)
30. Lovehampton, by Sherri Rifkin
31. Dead and Gone, by Charlaine Harris (Soo.kie Stack.house book 9)
32. Iron Kissed, by Patricia Briggs (Mercy Thompson #3)
33. Guilty Pleasures, by Laurell K. Hamilton (Anita Baker Series book 1)
34. Deep Dish, by Mary Kay Andrews
35. Fiery Cross, by Diana Gabaldon (Outlander book 5)
36. Helping the Stork, The Choices and Challenges of Donor Insemination, Carol Frost Vercollone, Heidi Moss and Robert Moss.
37. One Fifth Avenue, by Candace Bushnell
38. Grave Sight, by Charlaine Harris
39. A Breath of Snow and Ashes, by Diana Gabaldon (Outlander book 6)
40. Grave Surprise, by Charlain Harris
41. The Laughing Corpse, by Laurell K. Hamilton (Anita Blake #2)
42. Bone Crossed, by Patricia Briggs (Mercy Thompson#4)
43. Sperm Donor Offspring, Identity and Other Experiences, by Lynne Spencer
44. An Ice Cold Grave, by Charlaine Harris
45. Kitty and the Midnight Hour, by Carrie Vaughn
46. The Starter Wife, by Gigi Levangie Grazer
47. The Memory Keeper's Daughter, by Kim Edwards
48. Firefly Lane, by Kristen Hannah
49. Maneater, by Gigi Levangie Grazer
50. A Year of Fog, by Michelle Richmond
51. Night's Edge by, Charlaine Harris, Maggie Shayne, Barbara Hambly
52. The Help, Kathryn Stockett
53. Circus of the Damned, by Laurell K. Hamilton (AB #3)
54. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, By J.K. Rowling
55. The Book Thief, Markus Zusak
56. Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
57. Twenties Girl by Sophie Kinsella
58. The Glass Castle, by Jeannette Walls
59. Interview with a Vampire by Anne Rice
60. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
61. the ex-debutante by Linda Francis Lee
62. Mr. Darcy's Diary by Amanda Grange
63. The Heroines by Eileen Favorite
64. The Lunatic Cafe by Laurell K. Hamilton (AB #4)
65. The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan
67. Mr. Darcy, Vampyre by Amanda Grange
68. The Writing Class,by Jincy Willett
69. Live a Little by Kim Green
70. Bloody Bones by Laurell K. Hamilton (AB#5)
71. Undead and Unwed by MaryJanice Davidson
72. The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
73. shoe addicts Anonymous by Beth Harbison
74. Dune Road by Jane Green
75. The Vampire Diaries - The Awakening by L.J. Smith
76. The Vampire Diaries - The Struggle by L.J. Smith
77. The Vampire Diaries - The Fury by L.J. Smith
78. The Vampire Diaries - Dark Reunion by L.J. Smith
79. The Vampire Diaries - The Return, vol 1 by L.J. Smith
80. Hope in a Jar by Beth Harbison
81. The Opposite of Love by Julie Buxbaum
82. Best Friends Forever by Jennifer Weiner
83. What We Keep by Elizabeth Berg
84. The Hard Way by Julie Luongo
85. Secrets of a shoe addicts by Beth Harbison
86. Mercy Thompsom's Homecoming by Patricia Briggs
87. eat pray love by Elizabeth Gilbert
88. The Killing Dance by Laurell K. Hamilton (AB#6)
89. Marked by P.C. Cast
90. Undead and Unemployed by MaryJanice Davidson
91. love or something like it by Deirdre Shaw
92. the Jane Austen book club by Karen Joy Fowler
93. Vision in White by Nora Roberts
94. Bed of Roses by Nora Roberts
95. Burnt Offerings by Laurell K. Hamilton (AB#7)

I am setting out with the intention of reading at least 65 books in 2010. I hope most of them will be about being KU and babies.

Happy New Year! I'm filled with hope.

ICLW & Christmas Meme

Welcome ICLW'ers! Wishing you all Happy Holidays and all your wishes come true.

Our journey is to your right.

I am currently 4dpIUI and D and I are hoping, wishing and praying for a New Year's BFP.

This is my favorite time of the year and so I decided to borrow this Christmas Meme from Raining, Raining, Thanks :)

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

wrapping paper - I love to wrap and make each gift special and it's own work of art :)

2. Real tree or Artificial?

real - I love the smell but we have a fake :(

3. When do you put up the tree?

usually first week of December but as of right now my tree is not up and it upsets me so much.

4. When do you take the tree down?

after Three Kings Day (1/6)

5. Do you like eggnog?

no, it is GROSS!!!

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

hmmm, I guess it was a cabbage patch kid :)

7. Hardest person to buy for?

I guess my mom and dad, they never like anything.

8. Easiest person to buy for?

my DH

9. Do you have a nativity scene?

Yes

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?

mail, I love to send cards and receive them. here's my Oreo pic this year :)

11. Worst Christmas ever?

I don't know, I don't think I've had a really bad Christmas but last year's was a cryfest.

if you want to read all about it click here

12. Favorite Christmas Movie(s)? "Elf", "A Charlie Brown Christmas" "The Holiday" "Love Actually", and March of the Wooden Soldiers

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? around Thanksgiving

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes :(

15 .Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? everything :)

16. Lights on the tree? of course and they are white

17. Favorite Christmas song? We Three Kings, Joy to the World, O Night Divine, Hark the Herald Angels Sing, White Christmas and Domenic the Donkey

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? travel

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? of course

20. What is the weather usually like where you live on Christmas? Cold and sometimes it snows :)

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? trying to find parking at the mall

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? I love ornaments :) My fav is our first married Christmas ornaments

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? It changes but always includes some sort of pasta :)

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? a sticky BFP