One year ago, I started this blog. If you're still here reading you deserve a big thank you!
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A bunch of updates
~ I'm down 14 lbs. :)
~ I've read a couple more books
~ 52 days until vacation
~ we are the proud owners of 12 vials of ds, still have no idea when we will use it
~ thinking of switching RE's to a clinic that accepts my insurance for d-iui's, I'm torn b/c I <3 my RE, she is great, but corn.ell is very expensive and it would be so nice to visit a dr. and only pay a $20 co-pay
~ have had some good moments and some bad lately
Today was not a good day :(
My BFF's dad passed away and today was his funeral. We've been friends since 2nd grade and BFF's since 6th grade, we don't even say we're friends we say we're sisters. Her dad was like my dad and I even call her mom, ma :)
I am so sad. I hate to see my 2nd family so sad and wish there is something I could do for them.
It brought up so many emotions for me, especially about my parents. I hope and pray they are around for a long, long time. I hope they get to meet my children and get to spoil them and teach them to speak Italian and feed them yummy food.
While in church, I almost lost it to the point I was going to be loud and sobbing. I haven't been in church in a while and I am so mad at God right now. Why can't we have a baby? WHY? I just want D to be the father of my children. UGH!!! I fucken hate feeling this way!
Why can't I just accept this?
I really just wanted to scream WHY? in the middle of mass. I think I need to drive to an isolated area and just scream at God.
I hope tomorrow is better.
update -
A little after posting we got some more bad news. DH's cousin passed away. He was only 37 and leaves behind a wife and 2 daughters. He had health problems since his 20's and needed a kidney transplant. His wife was a match and their surgeries were today, he didn't survive the surgery. I feel so sad for his wife and kids and his parents and siblings. I can't even imagine what his wife is going through, waking up from surgery and finding out your husband is gone. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.
I am so grateful for all that I have. I am still angry at God but so thankful for D.
12 comments:
Congrats! A year! My how time flies! Sorry for your loss, but its best to put a positive spin on it, for everyone's sake.
As for the insurance, does yours cover donor anything? That is amazing to me! If you wanted to be really cheap you could play doctor at home! I watch too much tv-sorry. I would definitely shop around, no sense in wasting money for something so "simple". Just make sure you like the new place and have a great nurse! GL
Happy Blogoversary. It's been quite a year, eh? So not what we all expected...but we're still here.
Let's hope the next year packs nothing but good surprises.
Congrats on your year and your weight loss. I felt a real wave of sadness two nights ago that Mr. M is not the genetic half of the little one inside of me right now. But, I told myself and I really, really believe this - Mr. M is this child's father. Plain and simple - this child will know no other father, will have no other father and will be shaped and molded by his own dad - my husband. No matter if I miscarry again or finally give birth. Our child may know that they were conceived using donor sperm but I will never refer to the donor as my child's biological "father" - he is not. He provided genetic material that was needed for us to have a baby.
If you ever want to chat offline about this stuff - feel free to email me at lapmp1648@gmail.com
I am sorry about your bff's dad - my thoughts go out to you and your bff's family.
Happy Blogiversary and congrats on the weight loss (that's awesome!).
I'm sorry you have to go through such rough times. Just wanted to send you some ((hugs)).
~Kim
Congrats on the blogoversary and on the weight loss: That's awesome!
I'm still angry at God: My anger has lessened, but there are still times that it flares up and I'm ready to scream and rant at Him all over again. It sucks: It's not fair: I don't know why this has happened to us; but it has. *hugs*
Congrats an your anniversary, but I'm sorry it's been overlapped by such a difficult time.
You know what? I say take that drive. Find yourself somewhere isolated and let go. You deserve the release.
Thinking about you...
I'm so sorry about your many losses. When is the sun going to come out for you?!?!?! WTF!!!!
I agree that you need to find an isolated area and just SCREAM!!! It may help. I know it helped me.
I'm praying for you and your husband...Praying that this hard time gets better...Praying that you have the family you dreamed of very soon...and that the loved ones you lost are at peace.
Sending you Love & Hugs,
Christine
The other inconceiveable
Happy Blogoversary.
so sorry for all ur bad news, its so sad.
Glad ur have your vials of ds ready and waiting, cannot wait to read the stories and updates of when they are being used......super excited for that !. xx xx
Oh no - I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend's dad. And especially for your DH's cousin being so young - I can't imagine what his wife is going through and waking up after surgery to hear it, too.
I also would be mad at God - scream away girl, totally understandable. I don't get how so many losers in the world can be biological dads and your DH sounds like he will be an awesome one! (And your parents will be great nonni - I can imagine the goodies your future LO will get to eat!)
Congrats on keeping up with your blog for one year btw!
Happy Blogoversary, and congrats on your 12 new vials!
I'm so sorry for your recent losses. Gosh when it rains it pours...
Take good care of yourself.
Hugs.
hi, I am visiting from ICLW...No. 50 to say hello and to check out your blog.
Happy 1st blogosversary ...hope it is the first of many and many exciitng firsts to follow.
I am sorry to read of the loss that has affected your family and friends. It is so heartbreaking.
My Little Drummer Boys
Congrats on your blogoversary. I'm sorry to read about all the bad news lately.
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