No more pills :)

and 1 step closer.

I'm so glad that I am done with the evil BCP, hopefully I will be able to have a bowel movement now :)

I'm scared.
I'm anxious.
My mind is racing.
I'm hopeful.
I'm grateful.

I can't believe that we are days away from stims. Part of me can't wait to get this show on the road. Part of me is so full of fear. Part of me is so full of hope.

I'm scared. What if my eggs suck? What if we don't find sperm? How will D react? How will I react? Will I be able to get out of bed? How will I breathe? How will I ever stop crying? How will I comfort D?

My mind is racing. I just have all these crazy scenarios in my head.

I'm hopeful. This has to work. They will find sperm. We will have embies growing. It will work. I dream about being pregnant. Seeing D's reaction and the happiness that will radiate from every pore on his body. The tears of joy that will fall. Telling my dad he is going to be a nonno. Telling my mom she is going to be a nonna. Decorating our nursery.

There are so many ways these next few weeks could play out. This is how I want them to play out.

We get lots of mature eggs.
There is viable sperm.
We have sperm to freeze.
We have a good amount of embies.
We transfer 2 healthy embies.
We have a few frosties.
We get pregnant and deliver healthy baby(ies) next winter.

I can live with various versions of this as long as there is sperm.

God, please let there be sperm.

I'm still grateful. For everything in our lives. For being D's wife. For our home and furbaby. For amazing Dr.'s who created techniques to find sperm. For a chance at being parents.

I'm grateful for my blog readers and nesties. I'm grateful for my friends and family. I am immensely grateful for the support, prayers and positive thoughts and vibes. Thank you.