I hate that people have to go through this, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Thankfully, I found a wonderful message board where I can go to 'talk' to women feeling exactly what I'm feeling. It hurts me so much that so many wonderful, kind, funny, smart women (and their DH's) have to deal with IF.
I mostly hate seeing my DH hurt and blame himself for all of this. I love him so much and it breaks my heart. IF is our issue and if this is what we have to deal with, fine, I would rather deal with IF and be with D than not be with the person I know in my heart was meant for me and not deal with IF. This is one of my fav. wedding pics of us, way back before IF was in the picture. I can't even imagine my life with out D. The other night we were talking about all this IF crap and he feels bad that I never had a choice, he wishes he would have known before and I could have made the choice if I wanted to deal with all this crap. I would have made the same choice I made almost 3 years ago, I would have married the man I love unconditionally.
The whole time D was talking I couldn't help thinking about the Sex and the City episode when Charlotte is married to Trey and she quits her job at the gallery (she is a little unsure of this choice) and is trying to convince Miranda that she is making the right choice, she keeps saying over and over "I choose my choice, I choose my choice." So unlike Charlotte I am 100% sure I am exactly where I am meant to be, "I choose my choice." :)
So, today I scheduled my IF consult with Dr. S (my Dr. S, not D's) and I'm seeing her on Thursday to ask a million ?'s. I also went to acupuncture tonite and fell asleep, it was nice :) My acu is truly a Godsend, D and I both see him and he's more like a friend of the family who sticks you with needles. I'm so glad D feels comfortable talking with him about our IF, he has so few outlets.
We're both strangely exited to be starting IVF. When we got our packet from Cornell we both smiled and we're glad to finally be moving forward, of course, when we added up the prices and it's going to cost us $36,000 we were very surprised at how much it was going to be. We have to pay OOP and then submit to insurance and I hope we get reimbursed for a good amount, if not, this may be our one shot for quite some time. So, if you believe in the power of prayer, positive thinking or even voodoo, please pray that D and I implant some very sticky babies this Sept.
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